For those who do not wish to learn the proper science of how to morph into another species, there is always divine intervention. This of course, is not as fall-proof as picking a species with the exact biological mechanism you want. Gods are not known for adhering to informed consent. But life can be short or long and boring so, if you wish to take a chance Nerites managed to have various gods turn him into a shellfish and if Nerites can do it so can you. Now, without further ado, let’s defy some laws of nature and try to come out alive.
Step One: Piss-off a god
This is remarkably easy to do, especially inside the Greek pantheon. There are two separate stories that you may look upon for guidance. Told in Claudius Aelianus’ 14th book ‘De Natura Animalium”, Nerites was a favoured figure in mariner’s folklore, one of the most beautiful young men by man or by the gods.
Option one: Refuse a god. Nerites decided not to accompany Aphrodite to Olympus, preferring to love of the rivers and seas, even after he was granted wings. A dismissal of a god’s gift and refusal of their company is a choice few would make. In her characteristic calm and measured manner she turned his form into a shellfish. Although she could not help but give him a beautiful shell.
Option two: Show off your hubris. That’s not a euphemism. Being Best Boy for Poseidon has… risks. He was also Poseidon’s charioteer and a potato of defiance amongst the straight lines of aquatic corn, and so felt the need to challenge Helios to a race. This went down poorly and lead Helios to turn him into a slow-moving shellfish.
I like to think these aren’t even separate stories and that he simply had really bad taste in relationships. Considering that every village had their own tale of Zeus seducing one of it’s daughters which found it’s way into the accepted canon that Zeus was… prolific, I like the idea that for mariners, one of the most celebrated figures was someone who was constantly being spurned by lovers of the land for loving the sea too much and cautionary tales of the transformative powers the sea may have if you loose yourself to the love of it.
Interlude: What in the names of Hades is a shellfish?
To justify the existence of this article, let’s talk about what a shellfish is. From clams to lobsters, Snails to shrimp whatever exoskeleton possessing critter you were transformed into, counts as a shellfish. It isn’t a scientific term, and why we need the long unpronounceable names gods damn it. Shellfish is more of a fisheries and culinary term, rather than referring to an actual species, family, or class. Much in the same way as Livestock means anything from pigs to chickens. Shellfish can be as generalisable as a Phylum such as Arthropoda, a subphylum like Crustacea or a Class, like Gastropoda (sea snails, clams or oysters) and Malacrustacia (crabs, shrimps or lobsters).
Step Two: Accept what you are and go down in history
Imagine being so famous, a family of water snails is named after you. All because you lost a chariot race or didn’t move house with your girlfriend, or both. Greek mythology is, of course, known for its constancy and solid narrative structure (sarcasm). It is with that level of certainty that I can tell you that Neritidae will be your new family, having decided that Hominidae just isn’t for you. It could also be, Bivalvia or even Decapoda. Who knows? You certainly shan’t. Divine intervention is like that.
You’ll look fabulous. Nerites was known for being a beautiful boy and Nerite snails are known for baring beautiful shells. Many sea snail species are semi-globular with several whorls, looking like a failed Swiss role. The inner partitions dissolve during development, forming one large shell cavity more spacious than most university accommodations. All with intricate patterns of varying colours depending on the species.
Some species are permanently situated in one type of water, others like your new Nerite form like more fluidity in their lives. They follow a amphidromous life-cycle. Moving from fresh to saltwater with the speed of a deceased greyhound. Like any small sea-dwelling critter you run the risk of being eaten by many many things; Macaques from the land. Crabs from the sea. Your living on the edge now. Only another god can undo your life choices and just because they can, doesn’t mean they will.
Be mindful of your hubris wonderful reader. Have a nice day and have a great life.
For the curious
Aelian and translated by Scholfield, A.F. (1959) On animals, volume III: Books 12-17. Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press. Book 14. ISBN 9780674994942
Bertness M. and Cunningham C. (1981) "Crab shell-crushing predation and gastropod architectural defense", Journal of Experimental Marine Biology and Ecology, 50(2-3), pp. 213-230. doi: 10.1016/0022-0981(81)90051-4.
Feher Z, Albrecht C, Sereda S. and Krizsik, V. (2012). Extremely low genetic diversity in the endangered striped nerite, Theodoxus transversalis (Mollusca, Gastropoda, Neritidae)-a result of ancestral or recent effects?. North-western Journal of zoology, 8(2).
Gumert M.D, and Malaivijitnond S. (2012). Marine prey processed with stone tools by burmese long‐tailed macaques (Macaca fascicularis aurea) in intertidal habitats. American Journal of Physical Anthropology, 149(3), pp.447-457.
Heller, J. (2015) "Neritimorpha: Nerites",nbsp; Sea Snails, pp. 79-85. doi: 10.1007/978-3-319-15452-7_5.
Schwentner M., Richter S., Rogers D.C. and Giribet G. (2018). Tetraconatan phylogeny with special focus on Malacostraca and Branchiopoda: highlighting the strength of taxon-specific matrices in phylogenomics. Proceedings of the Royal Society B: Biological Sciences, 285(1885), p.20181524. Doi:10.1098/rspb.2018.1524
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